Even though we were always together, we never quite walked in tandem. Still, I'd rather take these mismatched steps with you than let go of your hand.
A yumeship made by Lam (@ayinmoe on Twitter/X).
A FRIEND LIKE IâD NEVER HAVE AGAIN
âLetâs stay together forever, yeah?â âDevon âAs always, you already know what my answer is.â âAyin
<aside> â The story of a bittersweet first love between two childhood best friends who sacrificed their past and present for the hope of a brighter future, unaware they wouldnât be together to witness it. Despite everything, they stubbornly hold onto their promise, believing that somehow, theyâll find their way back to each otherâjust as they always have.
</aside>
A cat-and-dog pair! These two are polar opposites, but share a strong bond thanks to being childhood friends. Devonâs bold and affectionate nature often leaves Ayin at a loss⌠yet he canât help but appreciate Devonâs constant efforts to make him happy. Plus, itâs comforting having someone around who understands him without the need for words.
âWhatâs my role? Hmm⌠If you researchers are the ones leading the chase, you can think of me as the guy watching your backs from a few steps behind!â
outskirts appearance (art done by my sibling)
A former Grade 3 Fixer, now working alongside Tiphereth as one of the librarians on the Floor of Natural Sciences.
âIf these wrongdoings can finally cut this vicious cycle once and for all⌠I will gladly take this burden upon myself.â
The founder of Lobotomy Corporation who became a part of the Light at the finale of the Seed of Light project. His current activities are unknown.
When this is all over, youâll never have to say the words âI missed youâ again.
As a child, Devon was rescued from the Backstreets by a powerful Fixer, who took him in and brought him to the same Nest where Ayin was born and raised. No longer forced to fight for his own survival, Devon hoped his life would finally take a turn for the better, but this hope quickly faded due to the bullying and ostracism he faced for his different background. While the bulliesâ violence was nothing compared to what he had endured in the Backstreets, his victories over them brought him little comfort, and he began to believe he would never truly belong anywhere.
One day, as Devon was crying alone in his usual hiding spot, he was found by a black-haired boy with piercing golden eyes, wearing the same uniform as him. Devon braced himself for mockery, but instead, the boy said something he could have never expected and would not soon forget.
âI envy you.â âAyin âWhatâs there to envy? Youâve got everything that I donât.â âDevon âI envy how you can still cry when youâre sad.â
From this brief exchange, Devon sensed a deep sadness in Ayin that paralleled his own, despite them having lived lives the other couldnât even begin to imagine. Devon impulsively asked Ayin to stay, and to his surprise, he did. The two sat in awkward yet strangely comfortable silence until Ayin had to leave. Though the encounter barely left an impression on Ayin, it gave Devon the sense of purpose he needed to pull himself out from the dark.
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What began as âWhy are you so sad?â quickly became âI want to see you smileââa challenge Devon posed to himself as a way to repay the favor to the first person who had treated him without judgement.
From that day forward, Devon sought out Ayinâs company, which was simple enough given they attended the same school. It took a while to get close to Ayin, who made it anything but easy, but eventually, Devon succeeded in drawing a smile from the reticent boy. Seeing that uncharacteristically warm smile, reserved just for him, Devon knew he wanted to preserve that sight forever.
âŚ
Those days drifted by like a dream. They did everything together, savoring every little joy the Nest had to offer. All the while, their friendship quietly deepened into something more romantic, though they never quite put a name to it. The âdreamâ was cozy and peaceful, but superficial. Both knew theyâd eventually have to 'wake up' and face reality: the cruelty of the City, the inevitable arrival of the future, and with it, change. Then came the day they met Carmen.
Ayin met Carmen, his senior, at their school/workplace and later introduced her to Devon. Both men were immediately enraptured by her: Devon by her compassion, and Ayin by her very essence. Ayin followed her to the Outskirts laboratory to work as a researcher, while Devon continued as a freelance Fixer in the City, using the funds to support their research. During this time, Devon and Ayin saw each other far less frequently, separated by physical distance and obligation. Despite this, they remained as close as everâperhaps even closerâhaving come to realize the true value of their time together, along with the very real risk of losing each other.
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That is, until Carmenâs unexpected suicide attempt. Wracked with grief and the pressure of having to take her place, Ayin shut himself off from everyone, including Devon. Though Devon tried everything to get through to him, Ayin stubbornly resisted, ultimately forcing Devon back into the City with the reminder that everyone in the laboratory was depending on him to âfulfill his role,â not just Ayin. Reluctantly, Devon relented, a decision he would regret for the rest of his life.
Devon was too late to stop the Headâs attack, arriving only to find the laboratory ransacked and littered with the bodies of his former coworkersâhis friends. Ambushed by one of the Headâs Claws, he barely managed to incapacitate them long enough to escape, though not without injury. Desperate for any signs of survival, Devon dragged himself to the heart of the hideout, where he found Ayin moments away from being attacked by an Abnormality. Despite his critical state, Devon wasted no time springing into action, sacrificing his life to save Ayinâs.
âFind Kali. Sheâll keep you safe. As long as you donât give in, the project can stillâNo. More than anything, I just⌠want you to stay alive. Can you do that for me?â âDevon âHow can I? Without her, and now⌠without you?â âAyin â'Ayin, IâŚâ
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With the last of his strength, he forced himself to smile. âSmile, so Ayin wonât be sad. So he wonât blame himself. So he knows I was happy to live and die the way I did, by his side.â
Slumping into the arms of the man who cradled him ever so gently despite all his trembling, Devon whispered, âI love you.â
In spite of Devonâs best efforts to comfort him, Ayin could only view these memories through the lens of his deepest regrets: the moment he failed everyone, the moment he got Devon killed, the moment he couldnât even say âI love youâ back. Grief took root in the cracks of his shattered heart, threatening to break it completely. And without Devonâwithout a heart to hold him backâhe pressed on with the next phase of his plan.
Important: This all takes place before âXâ existed, during the first few loops when Ayin was still managing the facility himself.
Devon was among the eleven Ayin revived and appointed as Sephirot. As Ayinâs most trusted friend, he allowed Devon to keep his past life memories, hoping that having a companion would increase his chances of success. Of course, there were also personal feelings at playânamely, his desire to be with Devon again. Unfortunately, their reunion was short-lived. After explaining his plan in full, Devon was (rightfully) shocked by what Ayin had done and what he intended to do. While Devon understood Ayinâs reasoning, he couldnât agree to it and insisted they âfind another way together.â Ayin, already in a fragile state of mind, was deeply shaken by Devonâs reaction. Never in a million years had he expected to be rejected by Devon of all people, the one person who had always accepted him, faults and all.
âSo I have become an irredeemable monster, after all.â
Still, Ayin refused to compromise. Before Devon could resist, Ayin erased his memories, renaming him Keter and placing him in charge of the Architecture Department. From there, everything proceeded as planned, except for one crucial detail: Devon remembered.
It always started the same way. Ayin would open Keterâs department, and Keter would introduce himself. Then, while somehow still carrying out his responsibilities, Keter would look for ways to befriend Ayin, saying that Ayin reminded him of someone âdear to him.â Though, for the life of him, he couldnât remember who. No matter how much Ayin shut down Keterâs attempts at closeness, he couldnât resist the same charms that had won him over back when they were kids. As a bond inevitably formed between them, the memories would come rushing back. Once again, Devon would recall who he was and convince Ayin to end Lobotomy Corporation and run away with him.
Much like Tiphereth B, Ayin believed he could âcorrectâ this malfunction by resetting Devon. But, as with Tiphereth B, it never lasted. Each cycle brought fresh pain: the hurt of allowing himself to be vulnerable to Devon again and the deeper hurt of knowing that, while Devon sympathized with his sins, he could never accept them.
Finally, at his witâs end, Ayin confronted Devon. âHow can I make you forget me?â he pleaded, only to be met with a firm and resounding: âItâs pointless.â
âWhen two seedlings grow too close together, their roots become one.â âThey can be separated, of course. As a scientist, you know that better than I do.â âBut itâs a delicate process. It almost never comes apart cleanly.â âThatâs why, no matter what you doâchange my appearance, erase my memoriesâone day, maybe, I could learn to live without you." âBut my roots, my soul. Theyâll never forget how it felt to once wrap around yours.â âDevon ââŚThen I suppose I have no choice.â âAyin
As long as Devon continued to oppose him, the Script would always be at risk. Ayin knew his resolve was wavering; at times, he was tempted to take Devon up on his offer and leave everything behind. But he couldnât. Thatâs why he had to make the final call: to return Devon to the âeternal slumber he had so shamelessly woken him from.â Once more, Ayin had to say goodbye to the person he loved more than anything, and once more, he had only himself to blame. All Ayin could hope for was that Devon would find peace in a dream: a dream of a world where they had never met.
[Day 45 â The Seed of Light 100%]
On the 45th day of the final loop, Devon awoke, disturbed by the distortion of Ayinâs E.G.O. The moment they reunited, Devon knew Ayin had changed. The man standing before him, with a gleam in his eye that screamed âNothing can stop me,â was not the same man who had left him to rust for tens of thousands of loops. Hurt, confusion, betrayal, sadness, and loss all swirled within Devon. Yet, against all odds, one emotion rose above the rest: love.
Realizing there was no point in trying to stop Ayin anymore, Devon resolved to support him. Even if the world crumbled to nothing because of Ayin, he found comfort in knowing they would face its end together. As the Sephirah of the Architecture Department, Devon sensed the challenges ahead and warned Ayin of the dangers. The two then shared one final, tender moment in the stillness of Ayinâs officeâboth understanding exactly how the other felt, even with so much left unspoken.
And finally:
âI still owe you a proper response from all that time ago.â âAyin âI donât wanna hear it right when youâre about to leave me, so save it for the next time we meet. Promise me, okay?â âDevon ââŚOkay. I promise.â
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As soon as Devon was revived in the Library, he relinquished his role as Patron Librarian of the Floor of General Works to Roland, feeling unqualified for the position after spending so much time asleep. For a long time, Devon felt aimless and depressed. He missed Ayin, was still grappling with the unresolved pain of being abandoned by him, and struggled with being an outcast among the other Librarians. Though they shared the same faces, they were no longer the friends he once knew at the laboratory. To make matters worse, they harbored grievances against Ayin for events Devon hadnât even been present to witness. It was all too much for him to bear alone.
Fortunately, things started to look up once Tiphereth was revived. Seeing the little girl he had once cared for in the Outskirtsânow also missing her other half but still striving to find a new meaning for existenceâinspired Devon to try a little harder. He transferred to Tipherethâs floor, becoming her Assistant Librarian (though theyâre more equals than anything). Together, the two continued to heal, supporting each other as they learned to navigate their new lives and responsibilities.
From then on, Devon resolved to live for himself and his new, yet familiar friends. Still, he waits, hopeful for the day Ayin makes good on his promise and they can finally be together again.
âI wonder what I must have looked like to you back then.â âDevon âLike a pitiful puppy still waiting for an owner that abandoned it long ago.â âTiphereth âHahaha! Iâm not so sure thatâs changed.â âStill think heâs coming back for you?â âMaybe, maybe not. But he always used to say Iâd be rewarded for my patience.â âOptimistic fool⌠Well, whatever. I have no right to judge the expectation that gives your existence meaning.â âHuh? What?â âForget itâŚâ
âPlease stop sorting through your photos of me where I can see them⌠And how was that one âsexyâ?â
Your name used to appear in every one of my journal entries. Now, I write it on the address of each letter, hoping one day Iâll get to hand them to you in person.